Have you ever had someone in your life who you were close to, (a family member) who hurt you in a really personal and emotional way? Well,today I did, I spent 14 years of my life not being able to be close to my mother because I had a grandmother who tried to keep her from me. She would tell my sister and I that our mother didn't love us. I spent a lot of years hating her, I was so angry and disappointed. When I got older I decided I wanted to put it all behind me true or not, I wanted to give my mother a chance. So I did and for a long time we had a pretty good relationship, but at the same time I felt like I never truly knew her. She would lie to me, even though she would say I would never lie. She still did, and she would act like she was telling me the truth the whole time, look me dead in the eye and lie. She just believed I couldn't see that she wasn't being honest. Even when I tried with all my heart to get close to her, I felt like I never could because she wouldn't let me, she just couldn't be truthful when it really mattered. She even went so far as to put a hole between me and my mother in law. Now, she's finally pushed me to far. She used a really personal thing against me from my past to try and manipulate me, to guilt me because I didn't let her come live with me. She blamed me for her problems, and made it seem like I left her out in the cold, but I personally asked her to come here, to live with me but she refused because it was so far away. Then she tried to make it seem like I never even tried to ask her to live with me. She's had alot of problems over the past few years. She lost her job and found out her license had been revoked due to child support issues. It just seemed like everytime she got back up something knocked her down again, but I stayed with her. I supported her, I took up for her, I tried sooo hard. It just seems like everytime I try to talk to her she's just so negative all the time, I kept trying to tell her positive things I didn't want her to give up, and I didn't want to give up on her. Some part of me still wants to try, even though I know she's so negative,even though she continues to hurt me in the worst possible ways. I just don't know what to do anymore. I know she's angry and she lashed out at me in anger, but at the same time I believe there is a lot of truth behind her anger. I really feel like she blames me for where she is and how she ended up. However, now I realize I have to let her go, I can't continue to allow her to take control of my life, and I can't allow her negativity around my daughter. Its really hard for me, because I don't want to feel like I'm giving up on her. It makes me feel like I'm being a terrible person and I don't know what to do.
I just feel like I've finally had enough, and I can't do this anymore. I can't allow her to bring all this negativity and manipulate my life.
I just really needed to get it out.